


Empty

by sinnabonka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Season Finale, Speculations my ass, not that we are getting it anyway, this is the worst way Destiel can go canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnabonka/pseuds/sinnabonka
Summary: Written before 15x18, now the tags are making me laugh.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 39
Kudos: 96





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> CW did us dirty

They manage to defeat God without any loss. Wasn’t likely, but somehow they did. The gun’s still smoking, everything’s rainbows and unicorns, Jack’s alive, Castiel’s fine, Dean and Sam are still in one piece. The truly unexpected win.

Cas looks at the job well done and smiles. They’ve saved the world,  _ again _ , he’s allowed to feel a little content about it, isn’t he?

Cas lets out a tiny sigh of relief.

He’s not the only one feeling this way, no. Everyone just gives in to the newly discovered feeling. Dean, finally pretty damn sure he’s not in the hamster wheel anymore, is able to breathe with the whole capacity of his lungs. And he does for a while, just savoring the well-deserved freedom, one gulp at a time.

He’s tempted to do something that’s been bothering him for pretty damn long. He was not sure before, if it was him or it was one of those stupid jokes of Chuck that tended to end up bloody. But he is now.

He pulls Cas in, as if for a hug, but at the last moment softly presses their lips together. It’s just a second, too short to freak out about, yet enough to register the pleasant buzz in his head.

“We did it, Cas.” Dean smiles and finally wraps his hands around the angel. “We fucking did it.”

Cas tightens, his hands clenching on Dean’s jacket. Dean wants to joke it off, to remind that he’s not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.

Something changes. The air gets heavier, the whole place - darker, it’s like something is crawling, seeping in under his skin.

Dean lets go for a moment, just to sneak a glance at Cas’s face. And freezes.

“Why did you do it?”

Cas’ voice is weak. For a moment, Dean thinks he’s hurting him somehow.

“What?”

“Why did you do it, Dean? Why  _ now _ ?”

Dean hears his heart racing, feels it thudding stupidly against his ribcage. Why  **_now_ ** ? The emphasis is clear enough.

“When if not after serving God cold?” He squeezes a smile out of himself. He  _ has to _ smile. He has to be dumb and funny about it, no biggie, nothing to talk about, because if he doesn’t, his head’s gonna explode.

The strange feeling gets stronger. Dean registers in the corner of his eye that Sam must have noticed too, as he’s frowning around looking for a possible source of danger.

Cas takes a step back, eyes gleaming, the whole face suddenly pained and pale.

If the kiss was not enough to freak Dean out, this definitely is.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?  _ Fuck _ , Cas, I didn’t... I’m sorry, man, too many damn feelings. The whole thing... it’s...  _ ugh! _ ”

He buries his face in his hands, takes a deep breath with a hushed sonofabitch. When he finally gathers the shreds of his thoughts together and looks up, his heart sinks.

No doubt, those are tears. Dean stares. He doesn’t mean to stare, but he does, doesn’t he? Cas’ eyes are full of tears, and he stares like a moron and can’t even say anything because his throat is suddenly the driest desert there ever was.

“I can’t be happy.” Cas’ voice is terrified. He shakes his head bluntly, eyes fixed on Dean’s face as he repeats: “I can’t be  _ happy _ . Not now. I  _ can’t _ .”

The cold sweat drips down Dean’s back.

“Undo it, Dean. Say something rude.”

“What?”

“I can’t be happy!” Cas insists.

Dean looks around, searching for support, for explanation, but finds only even deeper confusion on Sam’s face. He shrugs, eyes wide and dark in the dim lights, and Dean turns toward Jack and his heart misses a beat.

“What’s going on?”

There’s a perfect example of sticky guilt kid’s wearing, and Dean recognizes it without mistake. And the way he averts his eyes makes Dean clench his fists angrily.

“What did you do?” He looks back at Cas. “Did I  _ not _ ask you not to do anything stupid?”

Dean regrets the burst instantly. The way the angel glances up at him - he definitely punishes himself enough for whatever it is.

“Dean.”

The shadow behind Cas suddenly shifts, all liquid-y and alive. It can’t be right, Dean decides and waves the thought away.

“I don’t have much time. I want you to know...”

The shadow definitely moves, Dean notes, when the corner of it suddenly shapes into a hand and reaches out for Castiel’s shoulder.

“I  **am** happy.” Cas sighs, eyes shining with tears, lips trembling. “And I can do nothing about it.”

Dean exhales an indistinctive “huh”, which is the best he can do right now.

It will hurt in a moment, he knows, but now, just for a beat in between, he lets his poor damaged soul bath in the warm light of understanding running inside his veins.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
